1 Comment to “Gratitude”

  1. Chris Gray

    Feb 5th, 2010

    Hi my name is Chris and I am powerless over food, anorexia, bulimia, complsive exercising and eating. Thank you for your posts they have really been encouraging and motivating. I’ve been tracking a food journal and recording my feelings, thoughts, location of eating and how I am eating. I’d like to post them here, if that’s O.K. Feedback is welcome, but it’s also O.K. if no feedback is given. I’ll start with today Friday, Febuary 5,2010.
    7:05 a.m.
    Physically hungry and tired, depressed, down, hurt, angry, lost, confused, growing, conscious, grateful, depressed.
    I’m physically hurt, I don’t want to work on my recovery, I’m tired I want to play, I want to pamper myself, I need a break, my mind feels like there’s a slave master in my head that has a whip constantly beating me to do more more more work. it never lets up, allows me to breath, play, rest and relax. I’m powerless over the slave master in my head. I don’t have any power as a human to aid myself from this tyrannt. This insideous disease has beat me, crushed me and is more powerful than I can handle or bear. God is the only power to stop this mental obsession in my head. God is my only reprieve. I am powerless over my disease, but I’m not helpless to take care of m personal responsiblities and be accountable for them I’m powerless not shamed, condemned or ridiculed. I’m loved by God just as I am. I am sitting in the dinning room at the table.
    10:10
    Physically hungry, relieved willing, obsessive, hopeful, scared.
    I’m avoiding seeing the truth about myself and seeing, feeling and believing how powerless I am over my disease. It doesn’t feel good at all to have my ego-deflated, be humbled and realize my self-will as far as my disease concerns has the power or can aid me to overcome the obsession in my mind or the allergy in my body. I’m screwed, God grant me the serenity to accept I have a mental obsession and a physical allergy to restrictve eating, compulsive eating and exercising, as well as bulimia. I am also powerless over looking for my worth and value from other peope based on my accomplishments, body size, appearance. I can’t relieve this obsession.
    12:00
    Good, valued, accomplished, giving, loving
    I helped one of the ladies in the fellowship. I want to be like and accepted. I’m powerless over looking to other people for my worth and value. I’m exhausted of doing and not being. Amen


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